January 30, 2019

Guest post by Kayelyn Aggett

Do you remember those three minutes? The three minutes that make 180 seconds feel like 180 years. The three minutes that cause you to analyze your current relationship, analyze your finances, and analyze where you are in your life. These are the three minutes that will change your life forever; and when that pink line becomes clear, and that second line follows - not everyone's first reaction is what you see on Instagram.

You will find many opinions on children. Some people have been dreaming of being a parent since they were six years old, others are content being dog moms and dog dads. I, for example, was prepared to be a dog mom and simply that. So when my test came back with two (frightening) pink lines, I did not react in the "oh, so excited!" way that is so often depicted through conversation and social media. It felt like any other emotion towards the news was not acceptable, and I felt guilty feeling the way I did.

As a young woman who was not thrilled with her positive result, speaking to someone who had been in similar shoes helped. Just because you aren't jumping with joy at the first moment, doesn't mean you won't offer an amazing life for your child. It doesn't mean you won't be able to provide. And it most certainly does not mean you will be a bad Mom or Dad.

Personally, I felt as though my relationship with my partner was not mature enough to advance to the stage of parenthood. I felt as though my whole life was being shifted and the life I had envisioned for myself was being tossed in the trash. It was a lot to take in, a lot to adapt to, and a lot to think over. Thankfully, I was blessed with an incredible set of parents, role models for a healthy and strong relationship with exemplary parenting. I knew that being raised by such marvelous human beings, I would be able to handle this curve ball.

My pregnancy was a struggle, both physically dealing with all the typical symptoms that come along with creating a tiny human, and mentally as well, adjusting the vision I had for my life. We came along to the 20-week mark where we chose to find out the gender. It's a girl!! This was the first time since finding out the news where I genuinely felt happiness and pure excitement about the journey. This felt like a turning point. I had moments of "Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I'm going to have a baby!" to "Yikes I am not sure about my relationship, how is co-parenting going to work, and what will our future as a family look like?". But the joy and the happiness of this journey did develop. I did feel love for this surprise human in my body.

And do you want to know something even better? That love only grows. The moment they placed my daughter on my chest - nothing else mattered. She was my entire world. I remember specifically still grasping onto the whole "motherhood" and being a "mom" thing the night of her birth. We stayed overnight at the hospital, and she kept waking up in the night crying (as all babies do). I would wake up and bounce her, repeating "everything is going to be okay, because I am your mom, and I will take care of you. So as long as you're with me, you're going to be safe". And as I repeated this over and over, I was reminding myself of this message more so than soothing my newborn baby girl. Not only is she going to be okay, so am I.

Only two weeks after having my daughter, I walked into my work and put in my notice that I would not be returning after my maternity leave. Today, I look into my daughter’s beautiful brown eyes and have such an enormous amount of love for her, that the struggles of the past seem almost surreal. I am obsessed with my two pink-lined miracle.

I hope by writing this piece, I can remind expecting parents, especially mothers, that no matter what your instinct reaction is to those two pink lines, you willbe able to be an outstanding parent. Don't feel guilty about your first reaction to the news. Social media seems to be full of excited couples who can hardly wait to announce their big news - you rarely see people struggling to adapt to it. It can be easy to feel stressed or isolated in the beginning. I am here to tell you that this wonderful miraculous creature that is about to enter your life, IS indeed a blessing, and you WILL indeed love and cherish every moment of being a parent. It's the greatest joy in the world,  so hang on tight, and welcome to the club!

Kayelyn is a first time mom to a beautiful 10 month old baby girl. Although the journey of motherhood was a surprise and not necessarily on her vision board, she fell in love with the role of ‘Mama’ instantly! She is passionate about helping mothers feel accepted and loved throughout this bumpy road we call parenting. Raising respectful, mindful and loving children can be challenging - so let’s work together to create an uplifting space to grow and share!

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